A Reflection on Forgiveness

How does one forgive? I'm a person who loves the question "how?". How do I get this project started? How do we get this goal accomplished?  How do we get from point A to point B?

But when it comes to forgiveness, it seemed that there were two positions.  

Position A: Not having yet forgiven. 

 And Position B: Having forgiven.  And the road in between unmapped.  

The things I considered to be true about the general territory:

1. It's not a feeling, but feelings are involved.  In the beginning, I don't have to feel good about the choice to forgive, but ultimately, I think having forgiven from the heart will lead to not feeling negative feelings like bitterness and resentment.
2. Forgiveness is a choice.  In my experience, however, I find it's a choice that I must make over and over for the same wrong.  Choosing not to say the thing I want to say about the offense or the offender.  Choosing not to spend my mental energy on the offense or offender.
3. It's a command.  Unless we forgive, we will not be forgiven.
4. I want it to be from my heart and not just words I say.  I want the real thing.

When trying to map the road from unforgiveness to forgiveness, I felt the need for a renewal of the mind.  The beliefs I hold can make the way for God to get me from Point A to Point B.  So here are some declarations I have found helpful:

• Given the abundance of heaven, I don't lack because of what they've taken from me or what they're withholding from me. 
• Given the truth I know from God and my relationship with Truth Himself, no lie they could say about me (or imply by their actions) will disturb me.
• Given that I know the God who can make all things new, nothing of mine that they've destroyed can't be made new again.
• Given that I want to be like God who is love itself, I will not allow unforgiveness to prevent that love from flowing through me.
• Jesus wants souls, even (and maybe especially) the souls of those who have hurt me.  If I don't forgive, I do not allow myself to be a conduit of His love to them.
• Even if I can't forgive in my own power, because I have the Holy Spirit living in me, I can forgive in His power.  

During an Encounter Conference, one of the exercises led by Bob Schuchts was on forgiveness and went something like this:

1. What lie did I come to believe about myself because of the offense?  
2. Renounce that lie in Jesus' name.
3. What judgment did I come to believe about the offender because of the offense?
4. Renounce the judgment.
5. How does God view the offender?
6. Forgive the person in Jesus' name and ask God to bless them.  

With respect to judgments and conclusions I've drawn, I know my mind will bring up all the evidence to support that negative judgment.  So I can challenge myself and ask, what evidence is there that the opposite is true. 

I think growing in confidence of God's power to provide for me has helped me the most.  Remembering that God is in control and is the (co)author of my story puts the actions into context.  I didn't need them anyway.    

If you want more on forgiveness, here's a good video on the topic too: 

The Real Risk of Forgiveness–And Why It’s Worth It | Sarah Montana | TEDxLincolnSquare - YouTube

Original Post made in August 2022.

December 2022 Update:
When recently reflecting on the difficulty of forgiving, I recognized the impact that fear may play in forgiveness.  In my situation, I realized that the actions and inactions of those who had wronged me were substantiating and making a certain fear a reality.  In some ways, unforgiveness has been an attempt to hold fast against that fear.  I think, "If they acted like they were supposed to, this thing I fear would not be happening."  Unforgiveness is a poor and ineffective tool, however.  Yet if I can bring that fear to God, I can gain peace.